Last week I got a dinner invite from my best friend (the one who is pregnant but who has never wanted kids). I was dreading it all week. I love her to bits and we’ve been through so much together over the years but I’m just SOOO unbelievably annoyed with her right now. I’m pissed that she’s pregnant and I’m losing my baby. I’m pissed that she gets to be pregnant when they didn’t even want kids. I’m pissed that nitwit doesn’t want kids but didn’t bother to use birth control. I’m irritated her irresponsible choices have led to baby #2 she and her husband can’t even afford.
I almost canceled but decided I better just suck it up and deal with it. Am I just not going to see her ever again? Sooner or later I’d have to talk to her. (I never thought I’d feel such animosity towards my best friend! A bit of a discovery there on my part!)
Anyway, the dinner was fine actually. The first few minutes were clearly awkward but I managed not to have a total meltdown (although addressing the elephant in the room was tempting). I must admit there’s a part of me that wanted to tell her exactly how I was feeling but I bit my tongue and after a few minutes the topic of conversation went to pretty light topics that had nothing to do with her pregnancy or mine.
It was an ok/nice initial face-to-face after everything that’s happened. And I left there glad I had met with her for dinner. Although I honestly can’t say going forward how our friendship may be changing. Right now I don’t want a whole lot to do with her. Maybe that’s wrong but it’s just how I feel right now. If they had been wanting, hoping, planning, and praying for another baby it would be completely different, I’d be so happy for them. But right now I guess you could say it just feels like adding insult to injury.